Everything From Nothing; Things I Want For The Future

I once asked Faye about what she was writing. She told that it was about the things she wants to do in the future; things that she doesn't want to forget. Does that mean that she's writing her dreams in a piece of paper? Is she writing her possibilities that she didn't want to forget? But I wonder. If you have something that you really want to do, if you have dreams that you really want to achieve, I think that you wouldn't be able to forget. But that's who she is, and because I do adore her so much as well, I might as well list as well the things that I want to do in the future. It would be updated many times, and it could be more than what you read in the present.

So here it goes...
The things that I want to do in the future:

As of May 2, 2009:
1.) Buy a SLR camera
2.) Work as a Chief Nurse
3.) Buy a Notebook Laptop

May 6, 2009
4.) Apply in a decent job
5.) Author a book

May 13, 2009
6.) Dye my hair violet
7.) Work as a Medical Representative
8.) Play The Legendary Theme on an electric guitar

Act Seven.

One can wish to be someone who could understand everything.

One can wish to be a hero who could bear the suffering of the world.

One can wish to be the light that can guide the Scounger from darkness.

One can wish, and one can make it come true. Though one must bear in mind,

Not all wishes stay forever.

___________________________

Life is good, life is simple. I live like that. Won't you live like it too?

Born from a curse. Growing in a cage. Would I be able to blame you?

Your song speaks a life of angst, an Earth of squeezing pressure and pain.

I speak a mirror of microphones, looking at your eyes. Why can't I see my reflection?

___________________________

Slowly, I drove myself unto the solitary field your heart created.

The wannabe-angel hugged every piece of your sanity, the few you left afar.

I did what a hero tried to achieve. But we both know how heroes end.

___________________________

Though it had only been a while, I hope you learn the lessons I want you to remember.

But I know you have your own kind of understanding, one I know so well.

When we see each other, I hope you can stand in front of me.

I hope you can stare at me, and with your chin up you will greet me with this.

___________________________

"I am happy now."

From N to A.

September 12, 2008

___________________________

I closed my book, for the reason that I scribbled every page, rather than reading its content. I love psychiatry. I put it in heart, not in mind. I went out of the room to pee--looking at the rainy clouds from the third floor Rest Room I smiled, thinking--

We can never attain what we had in the past, but I always have this in mind--a great woman once said; "Everything will get better".

After 11 years...

...The only thing that changed was our age.


As I pitifully editted this picture, crop here, crop there, I realized two things:
1.) I'm lost at photoshop.
2.) The before and after pics don't look alike. ^______^

I hope you and your groupmates enjoyed your swimming trip here in Laguna. I would love to be your tourguide/photographer again.

Act Six.

"Fate."

Why does it seem like I'm lacking that word? But is it really "fate", or "faith"?
Nothing seem to matter to me at school, even though I don't see her often.

My destiny is against me, I guess.
Or our school really intended to give us a very conflicted schedule of subjects,
designed for us not to see each other by chance.

"Damn school."

But there were certain events that I know where I can see her again. "Events with...

..dancing."

I sighed.

____________________________

I have no determination for myself.
I do everything easily and calmly.
I don't tend to stress myself.
That's why I always find the easiest way out.
Out of my misery.

I loved someone I never knew I could love.
But what was my resolve?

I payed the price for not waiting.
My time was spent not in worth.

I Cannot Stand Not Wondering.

Confession...

You know,
It shivers me when I can't help you,
Because I want to be the pillar of your sanity,
The Big Brother that you never had.
So every time I see your problems by the chat box and Inbox,
I can't let myself just stay quiet and leave you alone.
I'll smack your nose,
And tell you that everything is okay.

______________________________________________

I have this unknown responsibility of making you happy.
Or am I just satisfied of having you smile?

We are a never-ending process,
You and I.
And I'll gladly stay by your side.
Ne, Shi-chan? ^_^

Eating Myself Alone..

Silently, eating eating a corner, I slowly eat my Jolibee French Fries, alone and left to observe the feeling of eating outside by myself. It is a very odd feeling--doing this for the first time, realizing that I always was coming her with companions and such.

When you are with someone, you wouldn't be able to feel what being alone is like; no one to talk with, no one to share your food with--no one to share your rude thoughts about the funny eating habits the person at the next table beside you looks like. Also, it is a funny, yet pitiful emotion--because you tend to appreciate and empathize other people who who eats alone.

What do they think about? Are they waiting for someone to come, and that overflowing feeling of that person arriving? Do people who eat alone tend to eat quicker, because when they arrive at their destination, the ones they love are waiting? Or are they bitter enough to curse the couples, who eat sweetly, murmuring that someday they'll split up as well?

But me, eating alone in this energetic fast food chain, made me realize once again of how lonely being alone is like, while eating--and while living.

Act Five.

“Oh it’s you. What’s up?” I greeted, poorly hiding the smile behind my face.

Going in the same school, me and her greet each other and occasionally, talked for a couple of seconds before parting. And every time that happened, I stupidly show her how much I was glad to see her with a smile that was enough to reach both of my ears.

She held a gray ticket on her right hand. "Can you go out with me?"

If this was a dream, I'd take sleeping pills every night.

I shook my head, while she stared at me weirdly. She repeated the words, the smile on her face still captivated my eyes. "I said, will you spare me some money and buy this ticket? Your friend Allen will dance too."

Did I hope for something more?
Was I expecting a change of heart?
Am I able to let myself believe that 'WE' could never be a...

"Reality..."

She was waiting for my answer, her cuddly cheeks squeezed by her smile, forming a small dimple on her right cheek. How could I ever reject the Girl Of My Dreams' offer?

"Sure. How much is it?" We continued walking around the lane, my eyes stuck at her black eyes, as if it were Hershey's Chocolate that costs half its original price. At the corner of lane 26, she bid me farewell, waving at the girl at the Juices' Stand.

It was the first time I never wanted a lane to end, except when it was a lane filled with chocolates.

After getting all my groceries, (while looking around for her) I paced out of the market and journeyed back to my apartment.

Robbed of 50 pesos by a cute girl, I picked up the ticket from my left pocket and read the words, while sighing. "Dance concert, eh? Totally not interested." I kept it inside my wallet--and kept it for good.

Act Four.

“Maybe it was her smile, or maybe because of how she smiles”. Those are a few vague reasons why I like this girl—reasons that most men have, that’s why she is liked by so many.

I didn’t differ.

It’s no secret that I like her. I am like a child who has a crush on a teacher—I only watch from the distance, yet it remains no undisclosed to all. That may be the reason why my friend became the way of my first talk with her.

I can see in her eyes that day, the look of nothingness. I could instantly tell that she doesn’t care about the person who was introduced to her a few seconds ago, particularly me.

We were exactly one meter apart.

A human eye can see that with 20/20 vision.

Yet,

Why did your eyes seem to pass me?

Am I not a reality in your life?

Was my smile not enough to get your attention?

Maybe...

Half glad, because I stood close to you for a few seconds,

Half sad, because I stood close to you for a few seconds only.

Instantly, I tried to veil that memory as I again gaped at her in the supermarket, but pulled myself together to decide whether I should talk to her or not.

Why did your eyes seem to pass me?

Am I not a reality in your life?

My feet walked away by itself, my eyes forcibly turning away from the only person I yearned to care about. Her figure disappeared from my sight. I was about to look at the list of groceries that I held when—

“Hey.”

I quickly turned around, almost dropping the blue basket that I held loosely. A person tapped my shoulder. It got my attention—thank goodness it did.

Time stopped.

One of Faye’s Favourite Dishes...

Ingredients:

-1 cup rice (non-hot)

-1 sachet of 50mL Milo (chocolate)

or

-1 sachet of 50mL Bear Brand (Milk)

Directions:

Simply mix all the ingredients together in a plate for a very simple yet delightful meal full of sweetness and carbohydrates!

Reminder: Never try this at home. :D

Act Three.

“Waiting for the right time.”

Not because you are serene, you should be stagnant.

Not because you can wait, you are the right one.

Memoirs of the past month wavered through the smelly glass window of the 3 o’ clock bullet train. Memoirs of the near yet distant mixture of the simple happiness printed the leather-covered chairs.

I passed the 3^rd train station before my stop. No one seemed to rush at this hour. They all appear to be slowed down after the busy afternoon in work and school. Some of them tried to inhale the perfect air of the afternoon—

I tried to differentiate my feelings...

Differentiate between love and pity.

Differentiate caring from responsibility.

Differentiate the first time from the 2^nd time around.

The faith’s passive invasion tore apart the truth from the lies; the right from the wrong.

And so the wrong broke up...

I couldn’t handle the lies.

Not when the future holds the truth.

I walked out of the train and crossed the busy street, before going inside a supermarket. Looking at the list of groceries, I lifted a blue basket and ambled into the lanes. And across lane 17 and lane 18, I found a familiar person, her short hair gently hiding the smoothness of her face.

I came inside a supermarket to buy groceries, but I found more than I wished for.

Kisses unleash chemicals that ease stress levels

CHICAGO – "Chemistry look what you've done to me," Donna Summercrooned in Science of Love, and so, it seems, she was right. Just in time for Valentine's Day, a panel of scientists examined the mystery of what happens when hearts throb and lips lock. Kissing, it turns out, unleashes chemicals that ease stress hormones in both sexes and encourage bonding in men, though not so much in women.

Chemicals in the saliva may be a way to assess a mate, Wendy Hill, dean of the faculty and a professor of neuroscience at Lafayette College, told a meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science on Friday.

In an experiment, Hill explained, pairs of heterosexual college students who kissed for 15 minutes while listening to music experienced significant changes in their levels of the chemicals oxytocin, which affects pair bonding, and cortisol, which is associated with stress. Their blood and saliva levels of the chemicals were compared before and after the kiss.

Both men and women had a decline in cortisol after smooching, an indication their stress levels declined.

For men, oxytocin levels increased, indicating more interest in bonding, while oxytocin levels went down in women. "This was a surprise," Hill said.

In a test group that merely held hands, chemical changes were similar, but much less pronounced, she said.

The experiment was conducted in a student health center, Hill noted. She plans a repeat "in a more romantic setting."

Hill spoke at the session on the Science of Kissing, along with Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and Donald Lateiner of Ohio Wesleyan University.

Fisher noted that more than 90 percent of human societies practice kissing, which she believes has three components — the sex drive, romantic love and attachment.

The sex drive pushes individuals to assess a variety of partners, then romantic love causes them to focus on an individual, she said. Attachment then allows them to tolerate this person long enough to raise a child.

Men tend to think of kissing as a prelude to copulation, Fisher said. She noted that men prefer "sloppy" kisses, in which chemicals including testosterone can be passed on to the women in saliva. Testosteroneincreases the sex drive in both males and females.

"When you kiss an enormous part of your brain becomes active," she added. Romantic love can last a long time, "if you kiss the right person."

Lateiner, a classical scholar, observed that kissing appears infrequently in Greek and Roman art, but was widely practiced, despite the spread of skin disease at that time by facial kissing. And there was a potential for social faux pas by kissing the wrong person at the wrong time.

Overall, the science of kissing — philematology — is under-researcherd, Hill concluded.

Act Two.

Nothing new, nothing old.

People stay, people go.

.

Strains of umbrellas and thin pieces of clothes shroud the beach floor.

Bodies reminding that once upon a time there was a moment were all there is was skin and love.

Minds forgetting the reality that this world was not such a simple place to challenge.

Life for them was the walking crab; The sands being their home, the ocean being their reality.

Music from the big stereo across the volleyball court echoed through the road as I passed by, a small brown pouch hanging by my left hand. It's the same lively morning down my block. Many say living by the beach is a privilege especially if you're a guy studying in the city proper.

“When will you go back?”

“How is school?”

“Don’t focus on girls, you are in a school.”

The same phrases were once an annoying moment of my life prior to travelling to my dormitory in the city, but after a year there, those words were treated as a ritual of peace keeping, coming from my dearest mother.

Mothers know best, but not necessarily always.

A month ago, I called someone I never talked to longer than a minute, though we talked like we knew each other from the start.

I got the thought that maybe I stared at her for so long these past two years that we got close, even though she didn’t know even my name then.

She can’t sing, but her voice can make my legs weak.

It should be considered a super power; the influence of one person’s smile to make someone realize that his present relationship is wrong.

Our phone conversation ended...

Her tears finally dried up.

Her eyes finally closed up,

The eyes that stared at his photograph that she hugged tightly.