Everything From Nothing; Things I Want For The Future

I once asked Faye about what she was writing. She told that it was about the things she wants to do in the future; things that she doesn't want to forget. Does that mean that she's writing her dreams in a piece of paper? Is she writing her possibilities that she didn't want to forget? But I wonder. If you have something that you really want to do, if you have dreams that you really want to achieve, I think that you wouldn't be able to forget. But that's who she is, and because I do adore her so much as well, I might as well list as well the things that I want to do in the future. It would be updated many times, and it could be more than what you read in the present.

So here it goes...
The things that I want to do in the future:

As of May 2, 2009:
1.) Buy a SLR camera
2.) Work as a Chief Nurse
3.) Buy a Notebook Laptop

May 6, 2009
4.) Apply in a decent job
5.) Author a book

May 13, 2009
6.) Dye my hair violet
7.) Work as a Medical Representative
8.) Play The Legendary Theme on an electric guitar

Act Seven.

One can wish to be someone who could understand everything.

One can wish to be a hero who could bear the suffering of the world.

One can wish to be the light that can guide the Scounger from darkness.

One can wish, and one can make it come true. Though one must bear in mind,

Not all wishes stay forever.

___________________________

Life is good, life is simple. I live like that. Won't you live like it too?

Born from a curse. Growing in a cage. Would I be able to blame you?

Your song speaks a life of angst, an Earth of squeezing pressure and pain.

I speak a mirror of microphones, looking at your eyes. Why can't I see my reflection?

___________________________

Slowly, I drove myself unto the solitary field your heart created.

The wannabe-angel hugged every piece of your sanity, the few you left afar.

I did what a hero tried to achieve. But we both know how heroes end.

___________________________

Though it had only been a while, I hope you learn the lessons I want you to remember.

But I know you have your own kind of understanding, one I know so well.

When we see each other, I hope you can stand in front of me.

I hope you can stare at me, and with your chin up you will greet me with this.

___________________________

"I am happy now."

From N to A.

September 12, 2008

___________________________

I closed my book, for the reason that I scribbled every page, rather than reading its content. I love psychiatry. I put it in heart, not in mind. I went out of the room to pee--looking at the rainy clouds from the third floor Rest Room I smiled, thinking--

We can never attain what we had in the past, but I always have this in mind--a great woman once said; "Everything will get better".

After 11 years...

...The only thing that changed was our age.


As I pitifully editted this picture, crop here, crop there, I realized two things:
1.) I'm lost at photoshop.
2.) The before and after pics don't look alike. ^______^

I hope you and your groupmates enjoyed your swimming trip here in Laguna. I would love to be your tourguide/photographer again.

Act Six.

"Fate."

Why does it seem like I'm lacking that word? But is it really "fate", or "faith"?
Nothing seem to matter to me at school, even though I don't see her often.

My destiny is against me, I guess.
Or our school really intended to give us a very conflicted schedule of subjects,
designed for us not to see each other by chance.

"Damn school."

But there were certain events that I know where I can see her again. "Events with...

..dancing."

I sighed.

____________________________

I have no determination for myself.
I do everything easily and calmly.
I don't tend to stress myself.
That's why I always find the easiest way out.
Out of my misery.

I loved someone I never knew I could love.
But what was my resolve?

I payed the price for not waiting.
My time was spent not in worth.

I Cannot Stand Not Wondering.

Confession...

You know,
It shivers me when I can't help you,
Because I want to be the pillar of your sanity,
The Big Brother that you never had.
So every time I see your problems by the chat box and Inbox,
I can't let myself just stay quiet and leave you alone.
I'll smack your nose,
And tell you that everything is okay.

______________________________________________

I have this unknown responsibility of making you happy.
Or am I just satisfied of having you smile?

We are a never-ending process,
You and I.
And I'll gladly stay by your side.
Ne, Shi-chan? ^_^

Eating Myself Alone..

Silently, eating eating a corner, I slowly eat my Jolibee French Fries, alone and left to observe the feeling of eating outside by myself. It is a very odd feeling--doing this for the first time, realizing that I always was coming her with companions and such.

When you are with someone, you wouldn't be able to feel what being alone is like; no one to talk with, no one to share your food with--no one to share your rude thoughts about the funny eating habits the person at the next table beside you looks like. Also, it is a funny, yet pitiful emotion--because you tend to appreciate and empathize other people who who eats alone.

What do they think about? Are they waiting for someone to come, and that overflowing feeling of that person arriving? Do people who eat alone tend to eat quicker, because when they arrive at their destination, the ones they love are waiting? Or are they bitter enough to curse the couples, who eat sweetly, murmuring that someday they'll split up as well?

But me, eating alone in this energetic fast food chain, made me realize once again of how lonely being alone is like, while eating--and while living.

Act Five.

“Oh it’s you. What’s up?” I greeted, poorly hiding the smile behind my face.

Going in the same school, me and her greet each other and occasionally, talked for a couple of seconds before parting. And every time that happened, I stupidly show her how much I was glad to see her with a smile that was enough to reach both of my ears.

She held a gray ticket on her right hand. "Can you go out with me?"

If this was a dream, I'd take sleeping pills every night.

I shook my head, while she stared at me weirdly. She repeated the words, the smile on her face still captivated my eyes. "I said, will you spare me some money and buy this ticket? Your friend Allen will dance too."

Did I hope for something more?
Was I expecting a change of heart?
Am I able to let myself believe that 'WE' could never be a...

"Reality..."

She was waiting for my answer, her cuddly cheeks squeezed by her smile, forming a small dimple on her right cheek. How could I ever reject the Girl Of My Dreams' offer?

"Sure. How much is it?" We continued walking around the lane, my eyes stuck at her black eyes, as if it were Hershey's Chocolate that costs half its original price. At the corner of lane 26, she bid me farewell, waving at the girl at the Juices' Stand.

It was the first time I never wanted a lane to end, except when it was a lane filled with chocolates.

After getting all my groceries, (while looking around for her) I paced out of the market and journeyed back to my apartment.

Robbed of 50 pesos by a cute girl, I picked up the ticket from my left pocket and read the words, while sighing. "Dance concert, eh? Totally not interested." I kept it inside my wallet--and kept it for good.